Emotional Girl

Why, thank you Terri Clark - as a matter of fact, I will use your song title.

There are some days when I really hate my body. More specifically, I hate the things I have to do to my body. Most specifically, I hate taking The Pill.

There are women all over the world who know what I'm talking about. You take The Pill every day. You never miss it. And then you realize that you have a big vacation/weekend/date coming up and the timing is, well, inconvenient. It will be that week. The one where you take the white pills (or in my case, just don't take any pills since it's the same thing). The one where you'll have YOUR PERIOD. But you can't have YP during this week, because of the aforementioned vacation/weekend/date.

If you're like me, the answer is to play with your pills. Don't take the white pills (or just stop taking the sugar pills). Just pop open the next pack and skip the period altogether. Or, do like I did and take an extra week, THEN have your period, THEN get back on your regular cycle.

Oh, it won't jack up your emotional well-being or anything. It won't completely confuse your reproductive system by trying to figure out why the hormone levels didn't drop off like normal, and then BAM! all of a sudden grind everything to a screeching halt. Oh, and that standing waxing appointment you have? Better count weeks and reschedule as necessary.

The ultimate insult, however is when you as a woman go to all of this trouble, and then it doesn't happen. Oh, the vacation/weekend/date happens, but it doesn't happen. For whatever reason. Reasons I'm sure that are quite logical and acceptable and reasonable. But you completely screwed your hormones up for no apparent reason.

So...you're left getting a more intense than usual period because of all the games you're playing with your estrogen and progesterone, you didn't get any it, and NOW your boy is trying to figure out why the hell you've turned into the 3 headed bitch monster and all you can do is be irritated with him for having that attitude because it's all his fault. If he didn't have sperm, you wouldn't have to hormonally trick your own body. It's all his fault that your emotions are all over the place and you want to cry when you hear about someone adopting a puppy and then you skip to remembering every slight that everyone in your life ever perpetrated against you since the first day of preschool and now you want to eat every pastry you can get your hands on but refuse to drive to the store to get said pastry because it's too far. And HE has the nerve to think something is wrong with YOU?

Don't even bring up the condom argument. Any man (boy) who's been in a relationship for more than 6 months wants to do The Pill thing so he doesn't have to wear a raincoat. "See, Babe- here are my test results. All clear. Your turn to go to the doctor, right? It'll be so much better for both of us. Since we don't have to worry about STD's, you just go on The Pill and everything will be fine."

Except that it's not fine. It's up to you to schedule things so no conflicts arise. It's up to you to make sure that special event is not spoiled. Because if you don't watch your cycle and you do wind up with your little friend at an inopportune time, there is no look of disappointment and despair on Earth to rival that of a man who thinks he's getting some only to be told, "not this week." They can (sort of) handle it when it's a regular week. They know it has to come sometime. But if you didn't plan ahead for a special occasion, they're like kids who have been told that Christmas is canceled.

I'm not saying there's a better answer. It's just like a lot of male/female dynamics. Somehow the responsibility falls to the woman, and she is the one who has to smooth the way, make everything OK. I know why there's not a male Pill. What boy do you know who would be as diligent about monitoring reproductive cycles as women are? A guy would forget to take a Pill (or 4) and chalk it up to being busy or thinking about other things. But if a woman misses a Pill? Well, obviously she's trying to get pregnant and trap the guy with a method the guy has no control over.

And no, I will NOT be like Belle de Jour and "stick a bit of sponge up there until it's done." Eww.