Struggling

I honestly don't know why it's so damn hard for me to stick with a weight loss plan when I seem to have so much control over every other aspect of my life. I always do what I need to do - work-wise, housework-wise, money-wise, friend-wise, etc. But when it comes to what I put in my mouth or going to the gym, I lose all resolve.

I'm starting to notice a pattern. Last summer, I dropped 20 pounds pretty quickly. I was motivated. Kept my calories to 1200 a day. Worked out every day. Then July hit, and I kept making allowances for myself to fall off the wagon. It's my birthday. We're on vacation. It's too hot to go to the gym. Then school started, so of course I couldn't keep a gym schedule and of course I could ignore what I was eating because I was so busy. So I put the 20 pounds back on.

Fast forward to this May. Disgusted with myself, I started doing the Biggest Loser plan. Do you have any idea how much fiber they expect you to eat? Like, more than twice the amount that Dr. Oz recommends. I was pretty good about the gym, and fastidious about what I put in my mouth, recording everything. It took me 6 weeks to lose 10 pounds. I felt bloated and awful all the time from all the fiber. I was discouraged about my progress, so when the same July time period came around, I was all too eager to throw the diet out the window. I still went to the gym 2-3 times a week, but that was just maintaining the 10 pounds I'd lost - I wasn't losing any more because of the way I was eating.

Now my Disneyworld trip is coming up in a month, and I really want to lose 10 more pounds before we go. I had wanted to have lost a total of 30 before we went, but my backsliding made that impossible. Now I'm trying to convince myself to go back to my own 1200 calorie a day and working out every day plan so I can at least do this other 10 pounds and be back to where I was last year. Then hopefully I can continue. I do want to get healthy. It's odd that I have so little motivation to control this aspect of my life, when I demand complete order in all other aspects of it.