Welcome to the Future

Lately, I’ve been feeling restless. Like I want to make a change. A big change. Something that’s just for me, that doesn’t involve anyone else.

Specifically, I’ve been thinking about getting my Masters. I have a Bachelors in Linguistics, but I’ve been thinking about going back and getting a degree in Speech-Language Pathology. What’s that, you ask? What is a speech-language pathologist? Basically, it’s the person who helps people with speech and hearing impediments learn to speak clearly, and also can work with people who have trouble processing language in the brain.

Sounds great, right? Well, there are pros and cons to it (as with most everything in life).

Pros

I could make more money

Right now, I’m kind of topped out in the executive assistant world. I could make a bit more money working for a private company, but I have nightmare visions of being the 60 year old gatekeeper to some upper management phony. That’s really not where I envisioned my life going when I was young and dreaming about the future.

An SLP makes around $61,000 a year, which is considerably more than I make right now, or could ever hope to make as an assistant. Granted, the reason is because more schooling and specialized knowledge is required.

I could work with kids

My specific interest in doing SLP is to work with kids who have speech impediments and/or aphasia. I’ve always leaned towards working with kids, but I learned early on that teaching wasn’t for me because I wasn’t comfortable with the discipline aspect. But doing SLP, I could really make a difference with kids, without being in a classroom setting.

Having grown up not being able to hear out of my right ear, I know what it’s like to have to work on hearing and speech. I really feel like that experience uniquely qualifies me for this type of work. I could be the nice person who helps them be able to speak, which in turn will make them feel better about themselves.

I love school

It sounds bizarre, but I do. I love learning new things. Yes, I’m competitive and driven. I made damn sure I graduated magna cum laude when I did my undergrad. But more than that, I love the academic setting. That’s part of the reason I love working at a university. Ideas excite me, and constantly challenging myself makes me happy. I thrive in situations where I know exactly what’s expected of me, and can excel.

This is something I can do for me

Going back to school is just for me. It’s not about finding a relationship or making anyone else happy. The focus is on me and what I want, and that’s what I need to concentrate on right now. My focus is not on things outside of me, like finding a boyfriend. It used to be. And it got me in trouble. Now, I’m only concerned with what I can DO to make myself happy – not waiting for someone else to do it for me.

Cons

It will take at least 4 years

Having not gotten my undergrad in SLP, I have to go back and take core classes before I’m technically even in the grad program. Once that happens, there are a lot of requirements (such as clinicals) that I’m going to have to complete. It’s a big time commitment. And 4 years is optimistic, if I take summer school classes. I need to figure out if I’m willing to commit that kind of time.

It won’t be cheap

Even with my fee waiver, I’m still looking at $3,000 per semester for a minimum of 9 semesters to cover tuition, fees and materials. That’s nearly $30,000 on top of the student loans I already have. Yes, the argument can be made that the difference in my earning potential will pay that off in just a few years. But debt like that is SCARY to me. It means I HAVE to see this all the way through, because I’m not going to pay thousands of dollars to go to school for a while, quit because I change my mind, and then have to pay back all that money with nothing to show for it.

It’s going to seriously affect my social life

Part of the reason I didn’t want to roll straight into a Masters was because I wanted time to have a relationship, get married, have kids. But that was based on the fact that I already had a boyfriend and we had plans. Except I found out that he had two sets of plans with two different girls. So my plans changed.

If I go back to school, I won’t have time for a serious relationship. When I’m in school, that’s where my focus is. The flip side of that is that if I eschew a serious relationship, I basically throw away my last remaining childbearing years. Ultimately, going back to school is saying that I’m giving up on motherhood. I know it’s not that cut and dried, but if I commit to 4 years in school, I’ll be in my forties by the time I’m done. If by some miracle I meet and marry a guy in the meantime and have kids, then school gets thrown by the wayside and I’m back to paying back student loans with nothing to show for it. Both scenarios scare the crap out of me.

Wow, putting it on paper, there are more (by one) pros than cons. Or maybe I just didn’t think hard enough to come up with another con. Either way, I’m going to attend a department orientation in mid-December. That will hopefully give me a concrete answer as to whether I want to pursue this. But truthfully, I’m a little excited. And nervous. And scared. It could be great. Or not.

To be continued.

This One's for the Ladies

OK, enough with the soul searching posts! It's time to be a bit silly and a bit random. And speaking of random...

I'm not terribly shy. Ask me just about anything, and I'll give you a straight answer. Alcohol is (usually) not required. So, when a friend of mine recently asked me about why I get a Brazilian wax every month I told her this: "Because it doesn't hurt the way you think it does and it's easier than the alternatives."

Seriously. OK, I know that those of you who have never done it think I'm crazy. But hear me out. A LOT of it has to do with the type of wax that's used. My fabulous aesthetician Laura uses hard wax, which hurts WAY less than the other type (that's normally used for bikini waxes). I have no idea why it hurts less, but it does. Hey, I get this done every month without fail. I know. Before I found Laura I was getting regular bikini waxes done in salons, and they hurt.

I was scared to death the first time I got a Brazilian done. I mean, that's a sensitive area! But it was not a big deal at all. Laura is super quick (I'm always out in 10 minutes or less) and the woman knows what she's doing! Plus, she talks the whole damn time, which is good for a distraction.

I won't say it doesn't hurt at all, but it's not the kind of searing pain you're thinking it is. And it doesn't last. It's kinda like, riiiipp - done. And if you get it done on a regular basis, it's nothing. That's part of the reason I go every month. Well, that and I can't stand "overgrowth." And it takes care of front AND back - so everything is easier to keep clean.

The upside to waxing over shaving is that it leaves the area soft. And sensitive. Which is REALLY a plus when it comes to "nighttime activities" (or nooners, if you're into that). It makes cleanup easier and enhances sensation. I'm not kidding! The ex was so into them that he offered to pay for them to make sure I kept getting them. And they're heaven sent in the summer when you have to worry about bathing suits.

Think about just trying it. It's winter, so you won't have to worry about showing it off until you're sure you're happy. I will tell you that with hard wax, you might find some "remnants" when you get home. But a little baby oil in the shower takes it right off.

If you're in the LA area, give Laura a call - I can't recommend her enough! If you're outside the area, check and make sure that the person you're thinking of going to uses hard wax. I can't stress that enough!

See, I told you this was a random post! But like I said, I'll talk about almost anything. So, if there's something you want me to jabber on about, let me know.

The Power of Honesty

I'm an honest person. An unfailingly honest person. I abhor any type of lie, and I refuse to tell one. This doesn't mean I'm not tactful - I try my best to temper the truth I tell with kindness. But I won't lie - ever. It's a matter of character and integrity.

I guess that's why I'm so shocked when I'm lied to. It's something an honest person just can't fathom. I really don't think that honesty is too much to expect, but apparently it is - from some people, at least. I won't accept excuses for dishonesty. I don't care what your baggage is from your mother or how scared you are of the consequences. Lying is always a choice, and to make that choice makes you a liar. If you choose to lie to me, then my trust in you is gone. There is no second chance. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I can't have people in my life that I have to second guess. You can trust me always - I should be able to expect the same from you.

Below is an entry taken from DailyOm.com. I wanted to share because it speaks to the honor of honesty. Good people tell the truth. Bad people don't. That's how I feel.


Power In Honesty
Staying True To Your Word

Promises are easily made. Keeping them often proves more difficult because when we are pressured to strive always for perfection, we find it simpler to agree to undertake impossible tasks than to say no. Likewise, there is an infinite array of circumstances that conspire to goad us into telling falsehoods, even when we hold a great reverence for truth. When you endeavor to consistently keep your word, however, you protect your reputation and promote yourself as someone who can be trusted to be unfailingly truthful. Though your honesty may not always endear you to others-for there will always be those who fear the truth-you can nonetheless be certain that your integrity is never tarnished by the patina of deceit. Since frankness and sincerity form the basis of all life-enriching relationships, your word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.

When we promise more than we can deliver, hide from the consequences of our actions through falsehoods, or deny our true selves to others, we hurt those who were counting on us by proving that their faith was wrongly given. We are also hurt by the lies we tell and the promises we break. Integrity is the foundation of civilization, allowing people to live, work, and play side by side without fear or apprehension. As you cultivate honesty within yourself, you will find that your honor and reliability put people at ease. Others will feel comfortable seeking out your friendship and collaborating with you on projects of great importance, certain that their positive expectations will be met. If you do catch yourself in a lie, ask yourself what you wanted to hide and why you felt you couldn't be truthful. And if life's surprises prevent you from keeping your word, simply admit your error apologetically and make amends quickly.

Since the path of truth frequently represents the more difficult journey, embarking upon it builds character. You can harness the power of your word when you do your best to live a life of honesty and understand what motivates dishonesty. In keeping your agreements and embodying sincerity, you prove that you are worthy of trust and perceive values as something to be incorporated into your daily existence.

What I Learned in the Hospital

I had another first in my life yesterday - The First Time I Ever Stayed at the Hospital. Oh, I've BEEN to the hospital plenty of times. Practically lived there when Mom was sick. Even fainted in one while visiting my father when I was a teenager. I've been there for births, for hysterectomies, for heart procedures...just none of them mine.

I'm a great hospital visitor. I bring good cheer and flowers and trashy magazines. But as a patient? NEVER. My family is one of those "grit your teeth and eventually the pain will stop" Midwestern clans. But when I gritted my teeth for 3 hours yesterday morning (in between the puking up bile sessions) and the pain didn't change at all, I decided I needed to get to the doctor. Who immediately made me go to the ER (conveniently located next door).

I will give the hospital its due and say that I was treated very well. They started me on morphine right away to control the pain and got me into a room within 15 minutes of arrival (I guess my body decided to rebel at a convenient time). I was checked on often, asked if I had anyone to be with me, and generally taken care of. But I had a lot of downtime. A LOT of downtime. To just think. These were some of the things I came up with:

1. People WANT to be there for me

My brother was in Fort Worth and changed his flight to miss a whole day of meetings just to be with me. Even though what was wrong was not even close to life threatening. Even though he's a bigwig who shouldn't be blowing off meetings. But he wanted to be there for me. There was never a question - he just had his assistant change his flight.

My roommate's mother called in the evening, very upset that she hadn't been told I was in the hospital. This is a woman who isn't related to me, but sees me as one of her own. It genuinely upset her that she wasn't given the opportunity to be there for me. That touched me.

And I can't even begin to count all of the Facebook messages I got from wonderful people who were concerned about me. And text messages. And e-mails. These caring, thoughtful people whom I've only seen in person a handful of times were making sure I was OK - even though I know they have tons on their own plates.

I was genuinely overwhelmed at the support I received and am still awed by it.

2. I'm not cut out to be a patient

I know the goal of a hospital is to recuperate. They come in, take fluids, temperatures, blood pressures...that's their job. The rest of the time, you lay around and watch TV and look at the people who are visiting you because there's nothing new to say. I was so intensely bored at the hospital...all I wanted was my laptop. That sounds so petty, I know. But once my pain was managed, I was done. Why take care of the underlying problem when I'm feeling OK and I can just go home and you can give my bed to a SICK PERSON? I guess it's better than the alternative of being in writhing pain and thinking of nothing else. But if I'm going to lay around and do nothing, I'd rather be at a spa.

3. I miss the boyfriend I didn't have

That sounds weird, I know. And for the most part, the ex has been out of my mind and definitely out of my life since the "final conversation" about the cheating scandal. But being in the hospital crystallized to me that I don't currently have a "special someone" to call to take care of me. Who will drop everything and rush over and care for me. But you know what? I didn't have that in the ex, either. If yesterday had happened while we were together, I would have been told (in this order): a) "I'm working and I'll be there when I can, but it might be a late night. Call me later and update me if you don't hear from me." b) "It's getting late and I don't know when I'll be out of here. It'll probably be after visiting hours. I'll call you on my way home to see if you want me to stop by." c) "It's obviously too late for me to stop by, and I don't think I'll be able to get over there before work tomorrow. Call me when you wake up and let me know what the doctor says."

The sad part is, that's really how it would have happened. He was never the guy to drop everything and rush to my side, even when my mother died. It was always what was convenient for him, on his terms. Oh, and he would dispute that. But he also disputed that he had another girlfriend, where he lived when we met, etc. So, I don't think him saying, "I wouldn't have done that!" holds much weight.

I realized that I miss the boyfriend I THOUGHT I had, but never did. And that made me sad, because I always thought he was so much more than he actually was. Realizing how he would have reacted to my hospital stay, versus how I would have WANTED him to react, freed me in some way. I mean, I've been free of him for quite a while now. But that shadow of what I thought I was missing is gone, because what I missed was never really there. And I deserve the man in my life to act the same way my brother did - drop everything and get there as fast as he can. Because that's what I would do for my guy.

I told you I had a lot of time to think! This isn't all about the ex - just being in that situation helped show me what I'm worth to people. And to myself. And it's a lot. So I won't be selling myself short anymore.

Oh, and the medical stuff is better. Antibiotics and pain meds took care of it, although I may need surgery in the future. And DEFINITELY if it makes it so I never feel that level of pain ever again!