You Think You Know a Person

I have gotten so much information over the past few days that, quite frankly, I'm in a state of shock. I can't go into details right now - partly because of the sheer length of the story, partly because I don't yet know the WHOLE story (I keep unconvering pieces), and partly because I don't know that anybody would believe it, because it's a stunner.

This is all terribly cryptic, I know. Suffice it for now to say that I'm OK emotionally and physically. Nothing has been done to me that I can't get past. I'm in the driver's seat of my life.

You just think you know a person, and that the worst thing he ever did to you was X, but then find out it was also A and B and C and D... And it wasn't only you that he did it to. And you think about the kind of personality it takes to do those things. And you're stunned. And you remind yourself that it wasn't YOU. It wasn't about YOU. It was a pattern. A sick, twisted pattern that you were woven into. But you're not there anymore. And that's good.

Then you try to convince yourself that things will be better. Eventually. Finances will get back on track - eventually. You'll trust a man again - eventually. You won't keep rehashing every little detail and coming up with new revelations - eventually.

You just think you know a person, then you realize that person never really existed. It was just a facade to draw you in, and you got just enough from him to keep you in that tangled web. It goes beyond character to a clinical condition.

He has no power over me now. None. No sympathies, no understanding, nothing. I don't need revenge. How fabulous my life is (and will continue to be) without him is enough. I know I'll look back on this in a few years and barely remember his face or the times we spent together. And I won't want to, because I'll have moved well on with someone else.

Knowing I'm a good person, and that there are other really good people out there who have been affected by this, is some comfort. I can live with myself. I'm not the one who has digestive problems and night terrors because I can't juggle separate lives. I can hold my head high. I and some others may have been duped, but we're smarter for it now. How's the song go? "Won't get fooled again."