Mom Story #1

Now that we're far enough removed from October, I've been thinking about old Mom stories. She was the stoic Midwestern type - did what needed to be done without complaint, never played before she worked, and uttered few words. She wasn't what you'd call a pleasure seeker. She just felt that she was put on this earth to do what needed to be done - no more, no less.

Imagine my surprise when my sister-in-law Julie related a Mom story to me. Involving men. And stripping. And nearly being forcibly evicted from a club.

My mother loved Vegas. She didn't just love Vegas - she loved Vegas. And being a stay at home mom at the time herself, Julie was more than happy to accompany my mother so she could get her fix of nickel slots (yes, that's all Mom played - she'd drive 4+ hours to play nickel slots and it was the grandest excursion she could think of).

Apparently, they got the idea (after lots of alcohol, no doubt) to go to a male strip club. Won't that be fun! (tee hee, tee hee)

This is where the story gets good. Seems that Mom imbibed a bit too much of her beloved 7 and 7's, and really got into the show. By "really got into", I mean that she grabbed a dancer's ass. My mother. Grabbed some 20-something, probably gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) dude's ass. My mother who spent every Saturday morning cleaning our house until it smelled of bleach. My mother who dutifully cooked my father a full meat and potatoes dinner every night so he could fall asleep in front of the TV and completely ignore her. My mother whose idea of a splurge was to buy me a frozen dinner on the rare night that she didn't cook (usually because Dad was out drinking). My mother grabbed a guy's ass. His naked ass. In a club.

Well, security wasn't all too happy about that. They rushed over, ready to evict my troublemaking mother. Luckily, the dancer thought it was funny and waved them off. Mom stayed, slightly better behaved. And my sister-in-law was mortified (bonus!)

Moms (especially my mom) aren't supposed to be women. They're just supposed to be moms. Information to the contrary just throws off the universe's equilibrium. But it IS pretty damn funny. You go, Mom!